RELATIONSHIPS Print E-mail

Guest Article

 

Shakun Narain Kimatrai has won the 2nd prize for the ‘WRITE AN ARTICLE’ contest held at the recent lectures at Bharatiya Vidya Bhavan, Mumbai for writing this piece.

 

Relationships?

In today's world?

Where the cookie crumbles even before one has had time to savor it?

 

Ms Jaya Row who for the last 40 years has devoted herself full time to the interpretation of Vedanta for the modern generation, gave us some interesting tips to hold on to our relationships during these turbulent times at the Bharatiya Vidya Bhavan, to a packed audience, on the 9th of July 2011

In the case of marriage:

It is true that Marriages are created in Heaven. It is also true that sometimes partners are difficult and the reason is karmic. They are together to learn some of the most difficult lessons that we are meant to learn.

'Is the institution of Marriage under threat?' What can be done?

Is Marriage: Rock or Wreck?

What are the reasons that are contributing to the instability of marriage in this millennium?

Marriage is an old institution which is losing its basic values.

As Jaya Row puts it: We want to be loved, appreciated…but what are we doing to deserve it.

She explained ‘selfish love’ is attachment.

We are not able to be together and also find ourselves miserable when we are not.

Most people confuse attachment with love.

We need to understand what attachment is, and how to rid ourselves of this prison that is responsible for most of our ills.

One solution?

Dilute that attachment. Let your love expand beyond your internal ring (my husband my children) to ‘outer rings’ of my community…and then to my nation and then to humanity…

I have heard:

The solutions to most ‘relationship problems are:

 

Effective Communication:

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Never say: 'it is your fault’

Remember no one is perfect but you must bring out the best in one another.

Everyone has different expectations, values, weaknesses and strengths.

Study others’ and be aware of yours.

Learn to compliment and compromise with one another.

 

I was reading: True compromise does not mean giving in or giving up. It means a settlement made by mutual consent, which involves concessions on both sides.

It is good management rather than good luck that makes a relationship work.

You must not compete, compare, and control. And you must never never bring past hurt, past mistrusts into the relationship.

I have heard that for a marriage to succeed the husband must be a little deaf and the wife a little blind!

In the deep spiritual sense, only you are responsible for your pain and happiness.

Before you ‘blame the other’ look deep within yourself and develop self esteem.

Manipulation, control, jealousy are a definite no no.

What is yes yes?

Communication. Communication need not be something ‘heavy’ It can be a phone call, a touch, a hug…

Cultivate trust, and a sense of humor.

Get away for a meal, holiday. Do it!

Do not communicate when angry.

Look at the plus points in your relationships.

You must allow each other to grow

Speak your mind clearly and gently

Celebrate the difference and complement one another.

In the case of a marriage:

A great marriage is not when the perfect couple comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy the differences'